Imposter Syndrome: The Sneaky Saboteur of Self-Confidence

Hello there. Yes, I'm alive.

My last post was quite a success and resonated with a lot of people. So, you know what that means, right? You've unwittingly encouraged me to spew out my innermost thoughts like a verbal volcano. My condolences to you and your eye-drums.

The whole 26 years of my life has been and continues to be riddled with challenges, but I have to say the one obstacle that has pretty much been the bane of my existence is my low self-confidence. While 2022 was kind to me, lately, due to unfortunate developments in my personal life, my arch nemesis has decided to pay a visit after a brief sabbatical - like a bad case of the hiccups.

I don't mean to brag, but my self-confidence has taken a nosedive that would make a professional Limbo player quake in their boots. Heck, it has dropped to levels that the temperature of the Arctic Ocean could only dream of.

On social media, and otherwise, I'm great at putting on an act of being a well-adjusted individual. Believe it or not, when people first meet me, they're never quite sure whether my constant self-deprecation is a sign of unshakable confidence or just intense self-loathing. It's like a mystery that keeps everyone on their toes!

It's gotten worse over the years wherein there is no longer a voice in my head that whispers "You're not good enough"; now, there's an entire crowd chanting it. Over the last few years, I've learnt that this concert is being headlined by this artist called 'Imposter Syndrome'. We've all been attending it and it's turning out to be very overpriced.

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Imposter syndrome really hit the jackpot with me since it tends to prey on folks with low self-esteem, and I'm practically the poster child for that category.

I've cancelled on social plans because of imposter syndrome. I've lost out on opportunities to climb up the ladder, because of imposter syndrome. I've avoided pursuing people because of imposter syndrome. I've held back on unabashedly being myself, because of imposter syndrome.

Sometimes, when I reflect on my life, I wonder how things might have turned out if I had just gathered a tiny bit of courage and Carpe Diem'd my way through. I mean, I'm not saying I'd be a millionaire or anything, but I might have at least crossed a few things off my bucket list a little sooner.

Imposter syndrome can kill you slowly from the inside. For me personally, it has manifested itself in the form of panic attacks, mental breakdowns and extreme depression. There were times when I've been extremely cruel to myself and showered my soul with negative self-talk just because the voices in my head amplified themselves to dangerous decibels.

The worst part is, it doesn't matter how hard you work to prove to yourself that you're worth it (L'Oréal, please don't sue me), you're still left feeling like the glass is half empty. And lo and behold! If by some misfortune you fumble just once, your brain will promptly inform you that you're not fit to be part of the Homo sapiens club and therefore not permitted to make boo-boos. Pardon my French, but Sacre Bleu!

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So, what do we do? Do we just give up and go lie down on our beds?

Well, I'm not opposed to it.

But on a serious note, there is no cure for imposter syndrome. Yet there is some solace in knowing that everyone goes through it and, life goes on. You have to learn to live with the fact that the voice in your head is just that, a voice.

I think the trick is to trash talk the voice in your head. The 'voice' might convince you that you don't deserve to be in a room full of experts and accomplished people, but so what? It doesn't matter what this 'voice' thinks. You were invited to the room and the people around you saw a reason to invite you to that damn room. You might not see it in the moment, but you clearly did something worthy of that invitation.

If the 'voice' calls you a fraud, call it a fraud right back. The 'voice' is like those sports enthusiasts who sit on the couch stuffing their faces with potato chips while screaming obscenities at the athletes who are doing the actual work. And you, my friend, are the athlete in this scenario, going through the ringer that is life.

If the 'voice' tells you that you're going to make a fool of yourself, so what? If you never do things that scare you, or never try, you'll never know what you're capable of achieving. The greatest display of confidence is when a person is not afraid to make a fool of themselves. My manager once advised me that it's better to ask a question that may seem silly and risk being laughed at, as at the end of the day, you'll gain the clarity you require to attain your peace of mind.

We are all on this planet for a very limited period of time and we just cannot afford to waste it feeling isolated in our feelings. Celebrate your small and big wins (waking up every morning DOES count), dedicate time for self-care, talk to a trusted companion or a professional therapist if you need to, and strut through life like the star of your own damn show!

Sorry, imposter syndrome, but I don't negotiate with imaginary friends. So go take a hike, or better yet, take a long walk off a short pier.

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